The rise of a babelicious ultra-priest.

It’s so difficult, being beautiful.

Women throw themselves at me constantly, urging me to fulfil their every twisted desire. Men weep tears of jealous rage as they pass me in the street, before committing bloody suicide as they realise that whenever they look in the mirror, they will never see my face beaming back.

What’s even more difficult is that I am a priest, sworn to celibacy, and that my parents decided to name me ‘UltimateHunk’.

Why would they name me ‘UltimateHunk’ and then send me to study the ways of the light? It seems like a perverse punishment for a crime I never committed.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t keep my vow of celibacy and I couldn’t follow the light. How could I keep something so beautiful from the women of this world? I may be a priest, but I’m no saint.